All day I have looked forward to the five minutes it takes my youngest daughters dad to drop her off..
The problem with me and her dad is that we didn’t end on bad terms, if we had it would be so much easier to get over him. When she was born, she was ill. Really ill. She spent months in hospital and it tore us apart we just couldn’t cope with the strain and stress put on our relationship and when she came home from hospital things didn’t change she was still ill and we didn’t have time for ‘us’. So we split up.
As time went on I was still concentrating fully on our daughter, he on the other hand had met someone else. I felt hurt and deflated, I guess I always thought we’d just one day end up back together.
After a year or so they broke up and suddenly he started to show an interest in me again, we were texting, going out and behaving like we were together. But it was a secret, nobody knew. After six months I said enough was enough. I needed clarity. I was madly in love with him again! I told him I needed to be a couple officailaly or we needed to end whatever we were. I explained my feelings and he simply walked away. Again I was left heartbroken. He didn’t want a relationship at the time and he didn’t walk away because he was an arse he just wasn’t ready for what I wanted and I respected that. I just wish I’d have none this six months prior.
A few months later I discovered he had another girlfriend. I was furious!! I hated him, but I loved him. He was with her for just over a year before they eventually ended.
Which brings me to today.. we’ll kind of.
For the past few weeks he has been acting different. Talking, hanging around when he’s dropping our daughter off, texting me. Which isn’t normal. He even complimented me!
So of course I get the attention from him once again and the feeling of hope comes back!
When he arrived to drop our daughter of this afternoon I made sure I looked good and secretly hoped he would want to stay for a bit and give me some attention. Which he did! We sat in the sun and watched our daughter playing in the hot tub whilst we chatted. After about thirty minutes he left as he had made plans to meet his friend at the pub. It drives me crazy that I can’t get him out of my head! Even after he left he was all I could think about!
..Why does he make me feel like this! I love him but clearly we aren’t meant to be together! I wish I could get over him and move on but I can’t. He never hurt me, ok he hurt me by being with other people but he didn’t do it to spite me.. It sometimes would have been easier I think if he had done something awful to end our relationship.
But still, even though I know this will never become what I want, I’ll reply to every text he sends with hope. Hoping this could be the right time for us?